Subject: [rec.aviation.piloting] Unidentified Ford Fiesta Penetrates Washington From: Paul Tomblin Date: 17 May 2005 20:28:45 GMT Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet [Submitter's note: This is a parody of the recent incident where a Cessna 150, with a maximum carrying capacity of approximately two middle aged men and 5 gallons of fuel, prompted a panic in Washington.] Subject: Unidentified Ford Fiesta Penetrates Washington From: "Bob Chilcoat" Date: May 17, 2005 Newsgroups: rec.aviation.piloting [alt.humor.best-of-usenet] Unidentified Ford Fiesta Penetrates Washington City Center, Causes Government Shutdown May 13, 2005, Washington DC (AP) Terror and panic again visited Washington Today. This morning at 8:47 AM. traffic control personnel were suddenly aware that a 2003 Ford Fiesta, driven by an as yet unidentified driver, was entering the Washington DC City Center, and no one knew why it was there. Swat teams were immediately notified, and an effort was made to intercept the errant vehicle. Two DC Ford Police Interceptors were dispatched in an effort to identify and apprehend the driver. In the meantime, Capital Security notified the Senate and the House of Representatives that the building was to be evacuated immediately because there was the potential that the Fiesta might be carrying a small nuclear weapon. Near panic ensued as Senators, Congressmen and various aids and lobbyists ran outside away from the buildings, or into underground bomb shelters. It was reported that there were several injuries as people were trampled in the melee. At the White House, President Bush and the White House staff evacuated to the secure bunker below the West Wing, and the Vice President was whisked to an undisclosed location under his desk. For the next twenty minutes, all government work stopped while everyone in Washington attempted to cover their behinds. The Fiesta was finally re-acquired on Connecticut Avenue by Police and Federal Security Agents, less than a mile from the White House. It is understood that with the vehicle so close to so many important people, a decision to fire on it with anti-tank missiles was only seconds way when the car suddenly stopped at a Dunkin Donuts. The driver was immediately tackled by approximately 20 uniformed and plain-clothes personnel, handcuffed, bundled into an unmarked GMC Envoy, and driven away. Eyewitnesses described the driver as a middle-aged woman with gray hair. The car was towed away by DC Police, presumably to be thoroughly searched for explosives or biological agents. Thomas Nimrod, spokesman for the Federal Office Of Lamentable Security (FOOLS), issued the following statement this afternoon: "A suspected terrorist was apprehended today after gaining access to an uncomfortable proximity to the White House. Investigations are continuing, but it is beginning to appear that the suspect may have been a commuter who was looking for a cup of coffee on the way to work. We will keep the media informed of further developments. In the meantime, let me reassure you that the system worked. Even if this particular incident proves to be a false alarm, it clearly demonstrates the risk that uncontrolled vehicles represent. We will continue with our diligent efforts to protect the very important people in our Capital." -- Bob (Chief Pilot, White Knuckle Airways)