Accordion Humor

An accordion player was driving home from a gig late at night, and thought he'd stop off at a roadside diner for a cup of coffee. While sitting and drinking his coffee, he got to thinking about his car sitting unattended in the parking lot. He decided to go out and check it, but when he got there, he found that he was too late. Someone had broken in and left a second accordion.
An accordion is just a bagpipe with pleats.
Have you heard of the all-female, topless accordion band? They're called the "Ladies of Pain".
To be a good accordion player, you have to be schizophrenic and both of you have to be excellent typists.
Bumper sticker seen: "Use an accordion--go to jail--it's the law!"
Accordion FAQ:
What is the difference between an accordion and an onion?
Nobody cries when you cut up an accordion.

Why are accordions made with all those vertical lines down the middle?
Those are guidelines for cutting.

What's the difference between an accordion and a chainsaw?
You can give the chainsaw a tuneup.

Why is an accordion like a lawsuit?
Everyone's happy when the case is closed.

Carter squeezed the accordion. There was the long-drawn-out chord that by law must precede all folk music to give bystanders time to get away."
--Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies
"Have the accordion player sound the charge!"
"He can't sir, he took a bullet in the bellows during 'Lady of Spain.'"
--Dave Barry
Operating instructions for the Golden Cup Midget 8 Bass Accordion.
As translated from the Chinese and included with the instrument.

The advantage of the Golden Cup Midget 8 Bass is new style that is easy to play for children, which key and bass are select specific read, accurate accent, fine timbre, sonosous volume. It's bass with pull and push produce different scale arrangement. To learn the use of fingers methed able to lay good fundation from now on, also for play larger one.

How to hold the accordion
Put the leather strap on shoulder when playing. The right-hand are employed in manipulating the keys, pushing and pulling are effected by the left wrist during performance and the palm is engaged in supporting the bottom of the instrurent. In the course of pushing and pulling, the bellows should assume the shape of a fan and move inward and outward quite naturally following the force of motion. The bellows roughly when no keys are pressed, since the bellows might be damaged and leakage would result.

The method for the five fingers are the music - book 1. thumb finger (firs finger) [up to] 5. small finger (fitfth finger)

The method for right hand finger accompaniment. Press the key with the first and second finger of the right hand and the two notes 1 and 2 (dol and re) will be produced by successive pushing and pulling bellows in the same manner press all the keys exrecise repeat.[...]

The method for left hand finger accompaniment. One is to use middle and index finger. Another one is use ring and middle finger. Any kind of finger methed must quick in action than accompaniment is succes.

While playing a tune accompaniment is achieved by pressing with the left hand the bass and harmonic buttons. The bass side is equipped with eight round buttons. Evey two buttons are one set. Notice that the sound, produced by pressing the bass buttons, should be a short one, which means the button should be released immediately after being pressed. The sounds "boong" and "sah" are made by alternatively manipulating the middle and index finger.[...]