God skips bail - wanted in five countries 

Washington   -   God  appeared  for  an  arraignment  today  to  face
extradition charges relating to the deaths of  3,000  people  from  a
tsunami in Papua New Guinea last year.

Prosecutor  David  Longfield  stated  "Even if we don't get Him found
guilty specifically, we  have  an  excellent  case  against  Him  for
negligence. After all, He is omniscient, so He knew this was going to
happen, and He is omnipotent, so He had the power to stop it, but  He
didn't lift one metaphysical finger to prevent the tragedy."

Pressed  as  to  His involvement, God had to admit it was all part of
His divine plan.  This statement not  only  sealed  His  fate  as  to
complicity,  but  also  showed a degree of premeditation on His part.
When God asked for  a  little  faith,  David  Longfield  successfully
objected   that  faith  was  based  on  circumstantial,  hearsay,  or
otherwise unprovable evidence, and was hence inadmissable  in  court.
Unfortunately,  God's  case was based mainly on the "faith" plea, and
most of His defence was not allowed to be heard.

Appearing  as  a  character  witness,  Pope  John  Paul  II  had  the
credibility of his testimony put in jeopardy under cross-examination.
The Pope had to admit that, in all his  supposedly  long  association
with  God,  he had never actually met him personally, or had any form
of written correspondence within the last 2,000 years.  "These guys,"
said  David  Longfield,  "dress  in frocks, burn incense and candles,
drink wine, and chant and sing all day in their men-only clubs.  They
are  in  no  way  normal  citizens, and their appearance only injured
God's case."

While there is provision in insurance policies for Acts of God, there
does  not  appear  to  be  any statute of limitations affecting them.
Several other countries have now taken an interest  in  inditing  God
for past acts.

Justice  Once  posted  bail  at  "the usual 30 pieces of silver", and
remanded God to appear on His own undertaking for a full hearing next
month. Certain activities are banned; specifically the judge told Him
that He was not to "move in  mysterious  ways  without  authorisation
from  his  parole officer".  God was heard to mutter "I'd like to see
them get a dozen of my peers for the jury" as He was led away.

He was soon up to His old tricks, with an Act of God  killing  40,000
people in an earthquake in Turkey. There is now a warrant out for His
immediate arrest.

Pastor Billy Graham said he thought God had not really skipped  bail,
as  he is "omnipresent, and so can justifiably be thought to be still
in His parole area." When told of this development, Prosecutor  David
Longfield  smiled  and said "His omnipresence places Him at the scene
at the time of the crime.  We've got Him for sure."

Since the hearing no one has seen God anywhere. A spokesman for God's
organisation  said that God had not gone anywhere and was always here
and, in any case, he would be "back real soon.   Just  you  wait  and
see."

God,  also  going by the names of Yahweh and Jehovah, is said to be a
master of disguise, and may appear as a burning bush or a  pillar  of
smoke by day and a pillar of fire by night.  People are warned not to
approach this deity,  as  He  is  very  dangerous.   Anyone  noticing
anything  unusual,  such  as  a  plague of frogs, should notify their
nearest police station immediately.