From uhog.mit.edu!news.mathworks.com!newsfeed.internetmci.com!in2.uu.net!news.ios.com!ppp-59.ts-7.hck.idt.net!user Fri, 05 Apr 1996 23:21:33 -0500 Path: uhog.mit.edu!news.mathworks.com!newsfeed.internetmci.com!in2.uu.net!news.ios.com!ppp-59.ts-7.hck.idt.net!user From: sgodin@chelsea.ios.com (Scott R. Godin) Newsgroups: comp.infosystems.www.misc,ios.slip,ios.general Subject: Re: IMPORTANT VIRUS INFORMATION Date: Fri, 05 Apr 1996 23:21:33 -0500 Organization: Sam Ash Pro Audio Lines: 78 Message-ID: References: <31629467.7885@soho.ios.com> <3162FCD9.2BC6@ios.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: ppp-59.ts-7.hck.idt.net X-Newsreadeer: Newswatcher 2.1.1 In article <3162FCD9.2BC6@ios.com>, Craig Winter wrote: >Scott: > >This isn't nearly as bad as the new So-So Times virus which uses new think and >destroy technology. Merely thinking the phrase So-So Times will cause your >computer to spontaneously combust, cause your processor to go into an xth >iteration velcro hook and loop (well known to cause cancer in laboratory >children), will cause the shingles on your roof to turn into twinkies, and >will severly degrade performance on the Morristown POP's. > >Please, whatever you do, do not even think the phrase So-So Times! If you do, >the only antidote is to instantly find the Good Times virus and read it five >times fast. If you want, I can e-mail it to you. Look for e-mail with the >subject GOOD TIMES. >Craig What about the END TIMES VIRUS???!?! -=- From: prjohnso@facstaff.wisc.edu (Peter R. Johnson) Newsgroups: misc.consumers.frugal-living Subject: CAUTION: END TIMES VIRUS!!!! BEWARE*********BEWARE*********BEWARE*********BEWARE*********BEWARE*******BEWARE IT MAY ALREADY BE TOO LATE !!!!!!!!! There is a new virus on the 'net. Called "The End Times Virus" this nasty program is SPREAD VIA E-MAIL. It's the latest of a new strain of viruses called "Prions" which were developed by the NSA for International Internet Security. Prions aren't even computer viruses in the traditional sense, rather they are a new kind of self-extracting, self executing BinHex algorithm which can bypass ALL KNOWN forms of computer security. There is NO DEFENSE. What does "The End Times Virus" do? The End Times Virus is spread via E-Mail. Every time you send mail to someone through the 'net, it runs the risk of picking up a portion of "The End Times Virus" code. When all parts of the virus are stored in a given system, the program will SELF COMPILE and SELF EXECUTE. "The End Times Virus" will then begin an Infinitely Regressive Binary Loop, which will INCREASE the clock speed of your CPU. The NET result of this increase in clock speed will be an increase in the percieved passage of time. How can I tell if "The End Times Virus" has infected my system? The FIRST clue will be when a task that used to take "X" amount of time seems to take longer. Things that HAVEN'T HAPPENED YET will then BEGIN TO OCCUR. Eventually, the FUTURE will gradually MERGE WITH THE PRESENT, and then RAPIDLY RECEDE into the PAST. Your computer system will BECOME OBSOLETE at a much faster rate. Your CAR will DEPRECIATE in value. Events, such as birthdays, weddings, vacations, etc. which seemed to be FAR IN THE FUTURE will, before you know it, BE OVER. You will AGE RAPIDLY, sometimes as much as 365 1/3 DAYS per YEAR!! Your CHILDREN are NOT IMMUNE! They, too, will age rapidly, sometimes even MORE RAPIDLY than you. Eventually THE FUTURE, as you know it, WILL CEASE TO HAVE MEANING for you. It will become ONE with THE PAST, and, eventually, will RUN OUT ALL TOGETHER. What can I, as a concerned, thinking individual do about this threat to our modern way of life? There are a few steps you can take. 1) Format your hard disk, WITHOUT backing it up. Scientists have found that this is THE ONLY WAY to eliminate this threat from infected systems. 2) GET RID OF YOUR CAR! Contact the e-mail address at the bottom of this message, and highly trained technicians will come and REMOVE your car FREE OF CHARGE for proper disposal. 3) LIVE FOR THE MOMENT!! It may be ALL you have LEFT. NOBODY is going to have fun FOR you anymore. 4) SPREAD THE WORD! let EVERYONE you know hear about this threat, Call them, write to them, forward this message to them. GET THE WORD OUT!! ******************************************************************************* Copyright 1996, The Mel'n'Floyd Consortium, All rights reserved. For Safe and Sanitary Vehicle Disposal, write Jmallay@njackn.com -- Scott R. Godin | Internet: sgodin@chelsea.ios.com Sam Ash Music | isn't just an attitude, Professional Audio Sales | It's a way of life! "You've only got Today to make Tomorrow a better day" - srg