From mit-eddie!relay5.uu.net!kinderhook.com!kmyers Thu Oct 3 00:48:32 1996 Return-Path: From: kmyers@kinderhook.COM Date: Wed, 2 Oct 1996 13:47:53 -0500 To: jc%minya.uucp@trillian.mit.edu Subject: Do-it-yourself Country & Western (humor-fwd) ---------------------- Forwarded by Karen Myers/Kinderhook on 10/02/96 12:2= 9 PM=20 --------------------------- PC:"WalterK.Olson"<73354.1400 @ CompuServe.COM> 10/02/96 06:34 AM To: -:PaulKerlee@INTERNET, Karen Myers cc: =20 Subject: Do-it-yourself Country & Western (humor-fwd) >From the Judge's list... ************* Do-it-yourself CW songs... > > I met her __________ _____; I can still recall _________ > (1) (2) (3) > > 1. 2. 3. > on the highway in September that purple dress > in Sheboygan at McDonald's that little hat > outside Fresno ridin' shotgun that burlap bra > at a truck stop wrestlin' gators those training pants > on probation all hunched over the stolen goods > in a jail cell poppin' uppers that plastic nose > in a nightmare sort of pregnant the Stassen pin > incognito with joggers the neon sign > in the Stone Age stoned on oatmeal that creepy smile > in a treehouse with Merv Griffin the hearing aid > in a gay bar dead all over the boxer shorts > > > she wore; She was ______ _____, > (4) (5) > > 4. 5 > sobbin' at the toll booth in the twilight > drinkin' Dr. Pepper but I loved her > weighted down with Twinkies by the off-ramp > breakin' out with acne near Poughkeepsie > crawlin' through the prairie with her cobra > smellin' kind of funny when she shot me > crashin' through the guardrail on her elbows > chewin' on a hangnail with Led-Zeppelin > talkin' in Swahili with Miss Piggy > drownin' in the quicksand with a wetback > slurpin' up linguini in her muu-muu > > > and I knew _______; _______ I'd ______ forever; > (6) (7) (8) >B > 6. 7. 8. > no guy would ever love her more I promised her stay with he= r > that she would be an easy score I knew deep down warp her min= d > she'd bought her dentures in a store She asked me if swear off bo= oze > that she would be a crashing bore I told her shrink change my se= x > I'd never rate her more than "4" The judge declared punch her ou= t > they'd hate her guts in Baltimore My Pooh Bear said live off her > it was a raven, nothing more I shrieked in pain have my rash > we really lost the last World War The painters knew stay a dwarf > I'd have to scrape her off the floor A Klingon said hate her dog > what strong deodorants were for My hamster thought pick my nose > that she was rotten to the core The blood test showed play "Go Fis= h" > that I would upchuck on the floor Her rabbi said salivate > > > She said to me ____; But who'd have thought she'd _____ > (9) (10) > > 9. 10. > our love would never die run off > there was no other guy wind up > man wasn't meant to fly boogie > that Nixon didn't lie yodel > her basset hound was shy sky dive > that Rolaids made her high turn green > she'd have a swiss on rye freak out > she loved my one blue eye blast off > her brother's name was Hy make it > she liked "Spy vs. Spy" black out > that birthdays made her cry bobsled > she couldn't stand my tie grovel > > ___________; _________ goodbye. > (11) (12) > > 11. 12. > with my best friend You'd think at least that she'd have said > in my Edsel I never had the chance to say > on a surfboard She told her dumb friend Grace to say > on "The Gong Show" I now can kiss my credit cards > with her dentist I guess I was too smashed to say > on her "Workmate" I watched her melt away and sobbed > with a robot She fell beneath the wheels and cried > with no clothes on She sent a hired thug to say > at her health club She freaked out on the lawn and screamed > in her Maytag I pushed her off the bridge and waved > with her guru But that's the way that pygmies say > while in labor She sealed me in the vault and smirked. > >