AUTOMATION IN THE 20th CENTURY By Michael J. Clark The setting is a typical bedroom, a woman is in the bed asleep, next to her bed is a night stand with an alarm clock and a telephone. Suddenly the woman awakens to the sound of a strange noise in the house, she looks around, starts to panic and then picks up her phone to call the police. Woman: (Startled and panicked, talking out loud to herself in a low tone) "I-I-I-I've got to call the police, there's someone here, oh God I know there is, let's see..... what's the number, (she nervously punches the numbers into the phone.) After a few rings the phone is answered, there is a delay, then we hear: "Welcome to our emergency phone mate 911, the automated emergency answering system, the latest in emergency response technology! If you are calling from a touch tone phone, please enter a 1 at the tone, enter now"..... (the woman looks both shocked and puzzled as she nervously punches in a "1") "Thank you, our emergency phone mate 911 recognizes that you are calling from a touch tone phone..... To serve you better your police and emergency services have set up this system to route your call to the appropriate emergency service personnel..... If you are in need of police assistance enter a 5, if you require information in Spanish, enter 7, in Chinese enter 4, in Greek enter 9, in French enter 6 or Italian enter an 8, if you wish fire or medical service enter a 3 and the corresponding numerical code for the language in which you will be speaking or in need of translation..... to repeat the previous information please enter 0..... Enter your code now please"..... (the woman, who has now gone from fear and panic to being irritated and confused enters a 5 and waits..... ) "Emergency phone mate 911 recognizes that you have requested police assistance in English..... In order to better serve you, please enter the appropriate number at the tone..... a 1 if your call is not an emergency, a 2 if you need information, a 3 if you are returning a call from a police official, a 4 if you are inquiring about a parking ticket, or a 5 if this is an emergency, enter your code now"..... (she shakes her head and rolls her eyes and enters a 5 quite forcefully) "Emergency phone mate 911 recognizes that you have a police emergency, please enter a 1 if it is a life threatening emergency, a 2 if it is a non life threatening emergency, a 3 if there are weapons involved, a 4 if there are multiple perpetrators, a 5 if the perpetrators are non English speaking and will require a Miranda warning in any other language..... Please be sure to enter the appropriate language code if you enter a 5..... if the police emergency is a non life threatening rape or physical assault please enter a 7..... (the woman now has lost her temper, she punches in a 2 saying out loud "How the hell do I know if it's life threatening or not you imbecile!) "Emergency phone mate 911 recognizes that you have a police emergency that is non life threatening, emergency phone mate will now direct your call to the appropriate department for response..... please hold while your call is transferred..... (we hear ringing..... the phone is answered) "Dunkin Donuts, may I help you?" ..... From: NAME: Michael J. Clark FUNC: Security TEL: (603)535-2330 Author: Michael J. Clark