Puns

Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Local Area Network in Australia:... the LAN down under.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
The definition of a will?... (It's a dead giveaway.)
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
A man's home is his castle..., in a manor of speaking.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A midget fortune teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A man needs a mistress... just to break the monogamy.
A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris... are in Seine.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
A backward poet writes... inverse.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.