The Microsoft House

  1. At least once a day you are forced to stop your current task, close all of your windows, and restart your home.
  2. You replace every switch, outlet, module, and controller in your home every two years.
  3. Your new garbage compactor requires you to throw everything away twice.
  4. A virus has taken over your controller and is using it to turn on and off the Christmas tree at the Whitehouse.
  5. Your home automation protocol is "Like X-10, Only Better!"
  6. You can't legally use all of the lights in your house concurrently.
  7. You were forced to upgrade the driver for your bedroom ceiling fan twice last week.
  8. You are prompted to accept a licensing agreement before making coffee.
  9. Patches for your toaster control module come out weekly.
  10. You now pay a yearly fee for each switch in your home.
  11. Floor doesn't work, but the windows look really nice.
  12. If a window fails to close, you may need to press stop, rewind and fast forward on the VCR at the same time.
  13. The security system can be bypassed by pressing cancel on the front door, but the tv and telephone will be disabled untill you step outside and use the key.
  14. Your house is infested with bugs.
  15. You've got cameras and microphones in all the rooms, but have no idea who's watching.
  16. Periodically you are required to tear your house down to bare ground and completely rebuild it from scratch, and then reinstall all furniture and appliances. ;-)
  17. If you change more than 5 pieces of furniture, you have to call Microsoft to get a new "Alarm Deactivation Number (ADN)" or you won't be able to enter your house.
  18. If you have a new Palladium-enabled house, Microsoft representatives can enter in the middle of the night, poke around, and make off with any items they don't think you should have.