Microsoft Child for Windows (Chris La Mantia)
(topical, smirk, offense=Microsoft fans)
From the rec.humor.funny joke archives.

I wish I could take credit for this list, but it was written by my friends Andy, Bill and Michael (last names withheld to protect the guilty). For the first time in, oh, a decade, I think, something from Microsoft shipped on time: Jennifer Katharine Gates, weighed 8 pounds 6 ounces when she was downloaded, er, born on Friday, April 26 at 6:11 p.m. And what do Baby Gates and Daddy's products have in common? 1. Neither can stand on its own two feet without a LOT of third party support. 2. Both barf all over themselves _regularly_. 3. Regardless of the problem, calling Microsoft Tech Support won't help. 4. As they mature, we pray that they will be better than that which preceeded them. 5. At first release they're relatively compact, but they seem to grow and grow and grow with each passing year. 6. Although announced with great fanfare, pretty much anyone could have produced one. 7. They arrive in shaky condition with inadequate documentation. 8. No matter what, it takes several months between the announcement and the actual release. 9. Bill gets the credit, but someone else did most of the work. 10. For at least the next year, they'll suck.
[Earlier Joke]