Things I've learned from my children
Tue, May 16, 2000
For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, TX
Things I've learned from my children (Honest and No
- A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq foot
house 4 inches deep.
- If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades, they can ignite.
- A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
- If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a
superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all
four walls of a 20X20 foot room.
- You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a
few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a
- The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball
hit by a ceiling fan.
- When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh", it's
already too late.
- Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
- A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying
glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
- Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a
- PlayDough and Microwave should never be used in the same
- Super glue is forever.
- No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still
can't walk on water.
- Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
- VCR's do not eject PB & J sandwiches even though TV commercials
show they do.
- Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
- Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
- You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
- Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do
not like ovens.
- The fire department in Austin has a 5 minute response time.
- The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
dizzy. It will however make cats dizzy and cats throw up twice their
bodyweight when dizzy.