This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida ... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME

Greg Bulmash

SEX

Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION

Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY

$185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION

Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD

Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY

Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT

My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING

It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK

Any.

PREFERRED HOURS

1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?

Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?

If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?

Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?

I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?

I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?

On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?

Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?

Yes.? Absolutely.

SIGN HERE

Aries.