From uhog.mit.edu!bloom-beacon.mit.edu!gatech!howland.reston.ans.net!pipex!uunet!looking!funny-request Tue Jan 31 20:54:02 EST 1995 Article: 5648 of rec.humor.funny Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny From: choplift@netcom.com (Bill Conrad) Subject: Contract Bridge Keywords: chuckle, parody, original Approved: funny@clarinet.com Path: uhog.mit.edu!bloom-beacon.mit.edu!gatech!howland.reston.ans.net!pipex!uunet!looking!funny-request Message-ID: Date: Mon, 30 Jan 95 19:30:03 EST Lines: 52 Original (as can be seen by the blatant gramour~ mistakes.) The most respected name in bridge sale is about to present an offer that no self respecting bridge collector can ignore. The Bradley Bridge Exchange is proud to introduce the Commemorative Bridge Series. Even if you have never collected bridges before this unique investment opportunity should interest you. The Bradley Bridge Exchange has been selling quality collectable bridges for fifty years. Now through this once in a lifetime Internet offer, you can purchase famous bridges. Think about it, EVERYONE needs bridges: to go to work, walk across, jump from, get mugged under and to throw rocks from. Not all bridges go up in value, the Bradley Bridge Exchange guarantees that your own personalized bridge will retain its minimum value for at least one full year. The famous Golden Gate Bridge was originally offered through The Bradley Bridge Exchange for a mere 35 dollars. In the 57 times it has since been re-sold, its value has increased to an astounding 10 million dollars! No other LEGAL investment could give that kind of return so quickly. Look at the fine craftsmanship of this early American George Washington Bridge: Note the detail in the rust, the unique "yO maMa" mural which captures the American dream and the fine cracked metal work in these steel supports. You will not find any composites or reinforced concrete here. 1) Bridges are not owned by the city, state or country. Bridges are owned by the contractors that build them. They are then purchased by the Bradley Bridge Exchange. 2) Top investors say that bridges are a solid investment with underlying liquid assets. 3) In addition to the potential of increasing of the physical value, bridges can actually generate INCOME through the use of tolls. 4) Not only am I an owner of a bridge I am also a user! 5) Insurance is un-necessary. There has never been a theft of a major bridge in the history of The Bradley Bridge Exchange. 6) Bridges also make useful homes for transients which will make you appear in good standing in your community. Act now while prices remain low. The Bradley Bridge Exchange WILL destroy all bridge molds for the above mentioned Washington Bridge with in a period of 30 Days. The first 100 bridges sold will receive 25 toll free suicide hot line signs at no additional cost. All mailers will receive The Bradley Bridge Exchange's guide to purchasing tunnels and national parks at no additional cost. Please E-Mail us directly at BBE@cash.be.ours with your credit card number. System operators are standing by. --- Bill Conrad choplift@netcom.com -- Selected by Maddi Hausmann Sojourner. MAIL your joke to funny@clarinet.com. Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply. Remember: Always give your jokes a descriptive "Subject:" line. Don't use "joke" or "submission" or "joke submission," please.